Love Yourself Damn It
I see you and I hear you, telling yourself that you are not good enough. Comparing yourself to her or him or them and saying you are not as good as she is or he is or they are. I know exactly how that goes. I have been there more many times. We all have.
But now? Now I say: Bullshit. Stop that. Cut it out.
You are you and you are awesome.
I do not want to write, “You are enough” because I hate that saying. Enough? That is so…underwhelming. Like wow, thanks, I’m enough. I want to be MORE. I want to be EXTRA, like millennials say.
Age is Just a Number
I am 43 years old. The me in my 20s thought that people in their 40s were old. And maybe I am. Yet I don’t care, because I’ve been through some shit and I’ve seen some shit and I’ve more than earned my way to this spot in my life.
That’s the thing about getting older — we often berate it and make fun of it and criticize it, but we should wear it like a damn badge of honor.
Even though the 20s are not necessarily your “prime,” they are often fun as hell, and more importantly, they are crucial to go through for growing emotionally and physically. As are the 30s, and the 40s, and so on.
Many people say that life gets better as you get older (I would agree wholeheartedly), but that’s something that takes experience to understand. In fact, no one can say for certain when your “prime” is, nor does it even really matter.
Life is not about how old you are. It’s really not. Life is about who you are, not where you are in your life. You are where you are in your life because that is where you are supposed to be. Life comes with ups and downs, and if you are currently down, you will get back up again. I promise.
Many people suffer from Comparison Syndrome —they compare themselves to others and perceive deficiencies in themselves as a result. This practice denies us our uniqueness and robs us of love. It can lead us to believe that others are doing way better than we are. Yet, are they really?
As a society, we tend to focus on things like looks and money. Beauty and status are things that you can easily see and quantify. Yet looks fade and money does not buy happiness.
Think about it — does it make any sense to place your value and self-worth on whether or not your physical appearance is pleasing to other people’s eyes? Or how high a number is on your bank statement?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with striving toward success. We all want more money. If looking good makes you feel good, go ahead and work on that too. There is nothing wrong with working toward improvement, but good looks and lots of money are certainly not the most important things in life.
The problem arises when we start to feel down on ourselves because we believe that others are doing better than we are.
There will always be others who have more than we do. Real wealth is less about money and more about non-material things like health, integrity, love, and purpose. And looks? Looks are entirely subjective. You are beautiful. End of story.
Author Leo Buscaglia said, “To love others you must first love yourself.” Look past the superficial crap already and look inside of yourself. That is where you will find the gold. Not monetary gold, but the gold that matters — happiness.
Happiness starts from within. Appearance and status are just what you see on the surface, but they do not always accurately represent the content inside. A book with a raggedy cover may be full of pages of rich knowledge. And a book with a pretty cover may be full of pages of turmoil.
You do not have to be anyone but yourself (okay, the “you are enough” quote has grown on me in this incredibly short period of time). I’ll say it: YOU ARE ENOUGH. You are also MORE THAN ENOUGH. You. Are. Awesome.
Wow, that sounds cheesy as hell. But after living all of these years and meeting all of these people and reading all of these books and watching all of these movies, I have learned that we are all trying our best. All of the judging, of ourselves, and of others? Frankly, it’s a waste of energy and time.
No one is even remotely close to perfect, and no one can ever call any human being perfect. Ever. There is no perfect human being. The words humanity and perfection can never coexist.
You Are Amazing
I am so far from perfect that I live in my own imperfect universe. I have made many mistakes and hurt many feelings along the way. I just keep showing up every day and trying my best and fucking up and learning as I go, just as we all do.
Yet I do not dwell on my flaws. I work on them, but they do not define me. I am nowhere near the most beautiful person nor the most rich, yet I am so many other things. Things that I personally deem much more important. The things that you cannot see with the naked eye. You may have to look a bit harder to see them, but they are there.
I guarantee that you have plenty of amazing qualities. I may not know you personally, but I know for sure that this is true. Literally everyone I have ever met has had unique and positive character traits that were not always seen at surface level. Sometimes you just have to look deeper, but you will find them.
You have many skills and talents. You do not have to be the best at anything (being the best is often subjective anyway), but you are good at many things.
You also have many positive personality traits. Sure, you have negative personality traits as well, but no one is all good or all bad. Life is all about balance.
It is important that you truly believe that you are an incredibly amazing person with fantastic qualities. You are you, and you are enough. It’s true though!
So let’s focus on our good qualities, yeah?
Here are *some* of the many ways that people can be awesome. Many of these overlap.
Which ones are you? Write them down. You are likely a combination of many of these. People are extremely complex creatures, so remember that no list of great qualities will never ever fully encompass your potential and kick-assery.
So go ahead, love yourself. It is something that you have to do, and it starts by recognizing how amazing you really are. And those who don’t appreciate your great qualities? F*** ’em. Keep on keeping on and never forget that you are more than enough — you are awesome.